Peek a boo!

Where have you been?  I have been hiding forever waiting for you to come find me ;)

I haven't been around much the past year and a half since I went back to work.  It wasn't because I didn't want to.  Things were just TOO busy!  Sigh.  I often planned to write a post but they just didn't happen.

I have learned some things as a working mother. 

I love having an office
I love having regular adult conversations
I feel appreciated and valued at my job
My tasks can actually be completed and checked off my list
I appreciate that going to work gets me up in the morning and dressed by 8am
I feel more active and energetic when I work
I love my time away from my children.  They get to socialize and learn from other children and I get to build up my level of patience for when I return.

I don't like that all of my 'fun' time is now taken up with working. 
I don't have time anymore for playdates with friends. 
I don't have time to craft and be creative and I don't have time to do activities with/teach my children.

My days all seem to be getting ready and dropping the kids off at different places, picking them up, running important errands (like groceries) and cooking/cleaning.  There is no fun time.

I had a difficult time being home for 3 years straight with two very young and demanding children.  I was screaming inside to get away from them.  I often wished I had never had children and felt cheated by all the stay at homes mom's I knew (prior to getting married) that made it look so enjoyable and rewarding.  I felt like no one was honest about how difficult and constant, exhausting and smothering it was to be a 'full-time mother'.  My life was spent in forced selflessness and my heart screamed to be selfish.

I had never planned to be a working mother.  As I child I admitted very early on that all I wanted to do was be a mom.  I was so excited to stay home and play with my children.  To teach them and create montessori type learning experiences.  After I graduated from high school I went into Early Childhood Development with the same plan in mind.  I graduated but did not like being in daycares.  I thought they were sad.  It broke my heart to see so many children in one room without their mothers.  I still planned to stay at home.  I continued on into Education, graduated with a degree, met Ian and married the next year.  Two years later we had our first daughter.  My plans were still unchanged and I did stay home and I HATED it!  I felt so trapped, overwhelmed and smothered.  I felt like I was suffocating.

Do other mothers feel this way?  Do they hate staying home with their children? 

Perhaps it was because I already had a career and was working as a Teacher; or because I was almost 27 when my daughter was born and I was 'used to' a different life; or perhaps it was just anxiety.  I don't even know if the reason matters BUT

My girls are older now (4 and 2.5).  They are less demanding and more independant.  I don't often feel overwhelmed anymore.  I am missing our 'together time' and working is 'getting old'.  I have been feeling since June that I want to stay home again.  We want to add to our family but I am worried I will feel the same way as I did before I went back to work.  I don't want to hate being home.  I don't want to resent my children.   I don't want to sit around in my pj's for half the day wishing I was somewhere else.  I want to experience life through their eyes.

It will be hard to say goodbye to my job :(

Why am I so torn???????

First stitches

Well it was going to happen sometime I guess!

Quinn had a nice fall on a sharp coffee table corner Friday morning at our friends house. It went through her lip and bled like crazy. She was freaking mad and I was barely keeping it together as my friend helped get us into the van. I called Ian from work as I knew I couldn't drive and hold a bleeding 2 yr. old. He met us and we sped off to the hospital while Quinn thrashed and screamed and slapped me across the face numerous times. I BAWLED!

We went into the ambulance bay as we thought she would need/get immediate attention. We were mistaken. They sent us to the waiting room with a bloody child and her lip hanging open. 

We waited more than 6 hrs to get in. 

I took Hailey to a friends house within the first couple hours so she didn't have to wait too. 

They took us in to the suture room where they then sent us to do X-rays of Quinn's chest (she had a cold) before they would stitch her up. This was another awful ordeal. If you have seen the contraption they use to get toddler X-rays you know it wasn't pleasant. 

We went back to the suture room waiting at least another 30 min when they did her IV (she was pretty brave), attached her to monitors (her heart rate monitor went off every time a nurse/dr came in) and then sedated her. She really fought the sedation and they kept giving her more. The dr started numbing her lip before she was out with a needle. Poor kid kept pulling away and cried out. He could have waited 30 more seconds. Then Quinn was snoring and they stitched her up. 4 stitches on the inside and 6 on the outside. She was coming out of sedation before they were even finished. She was sitting up in a few minutes and back to normal within 10 minutes. 

It was over 7 hrs when we walked out of there. Congrats Alberta Healthcare on another ER FAIL. I would have opted for private healthcare today!

Quinn has been acting pretty normal and had a great sleep last night.

 We are so grateful for all those who helped out and sent their love and support. It was our first 'big' injury and we all survived it. I sure hope it doesn't happen again soon. That was too stressful for me!

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Goodbye old office!

It is with sadness I begin packing up my office.

I had taken these pictures to go on the house listing. A last memory of what I had begun. 

I started with teal, yellow and white and then somehow got sidetracked with purple and grey. I will have to choose for the new house and stick with it. Has ikea come out with any new colours for the expedit bins?

I better get back to work now!

Moving!!!!!

I have found that once I went back to work, blogging pretty much ended!  I have made time today (aka - procrastinating something else- packing) so I can send an update.

We are MOVING!

Within Lloydminster, so not a huge change... but a change none-the-less!

I love moving!!!!!  Really!  Those who know me can vouch for me!  I have moved around 20 times in my life.  I am not really an adventureous person (sorry Ian).  I don't have great plans to travel the world or try extreme sports like bungee jumping.  Going on Amazing Race is pretty much my worst nightmare but I do LOVE MOVING!

We weren't looking to move this summer specifically.  Just within the next year to be close enough to an elementary school so Hailey can walk when she starts kindergarten in 2014.  Ian randomly sent me a message with a house listing that I fell in love with.  We went to check it out and found there was already an offer in place:(  We weren't prepared to submit our own offer since we hadn't even planned on moving and had none of the wonderful prep-work involved when looking to move.  So with a little sadness we let that one go.  This sparked a fire in me though and we continued to look at other houses.  Within a couple weeks we found out that the purchase had fallen through on the first house we loved.  Thankfully we had started some of the preparations and went to look at the house again.  We slept on it over the weekend and made an offer on the house that was accepted after a couple counter offers.  YAY!!!!!

We are just waiting for an appraisal tomorrow and everything should be finalized.

We set our possession date as July 10th which was super fast but still possible.  The house was already empty and we have holidays booked for August so we couldn't have moved at the end of July.  It made things a bit more stressful, especially since we didn't even have our house listed for sale.

We spent a week after we put our offer in doing some small upgrades and staging on our house.  We officially listed right at the end of the day on Monday and have had a showing everyday (3 days on market = 3 showings).  Not bad.  The second is this evening and the third tomorrow.  We hope to have some good news this week about an offer on our home.

We have loved it here and had great memories, but luckily we get to keep those memories (along with the zillions of photos and videos).  It was the home we brought both of our babies home to.  Where they learned to walk and talk!  I am not sad though but excited as we move forward to a new home.  We are looking forward to many more happy memories!!!!

*just had another call for a 4th showing



We have been so blessed and we never forget to thank our Father in heaven for everything we have :)

Current House

New House

New Kitchen

New Living Room

 Now I get to pack... and then my FAVOURITE, unpack and set up a whole new house :)

So who is helping us move on July 13th?

I promise I am very organized!

Wish you were here!!!

What a day! 27.5 degrees Celsius. I'm sure glad I didn't work this afternoon. I feel so ALIVE! It is amazing what sun and warm temperatures can do.

I'm sitting here relaxing under the umbrella wishing Ian was home with us and that my sister could bring the kids over for a play date. That would really make this moment perfect.

Ian's Birthday Getaway via instagram

Last weekend Ian and I skipped town to celebrate his 33rd birthday (when is it no longer 'appropriate' to share ages?).

I had planned a weekend without kids and booked Ian off work for the Friday so we would have more time.  We drove into Edmonton by lunch, spent the afternoon with the girls running some errands and made dinner for my family.  We stayed to eat and then said goodbye to the girlies with a big thank you to Grandma and Grandpa for babysitting :)

We stayed 2 nights in a hotel in the west end and spent our time shopping, sleeping, watching movies, relaxing in the hot tub, going out for dinner and I sent Ian for a massage (I tried to get myself a pedicure but it was all booked).

 

 

It was wonderful and relaxing.

*I think this past week back home with the girls was extra hard after experiencing the freedom of our previous weekend ;)