it's just hard!

I have a really hard time listening to people say things are 'so easy' when I find them SO hard! 

Our life experiences are all so different.  No 2 people experience this life exactly the same as another and we also have all come to this Earth with different skills, talents and abilities.  I remind myself of this everytime I hear about someone experiencing things really easy, or really hard.  I hear daily of families struggling with loss, illness, accidents and evils inflicted by others.  My heart breaks for them.... and I know I couldn't even begin to cope with such tragedies (though I know I can't escape them forever).

I'm sure my 'issues' with hearing of others 'easy going' lives all have to do with pride (or most likely jealousy).  I'm working on it.  I'll try not to hate you for your happiness ;)

sigh...

uhg, traveling and illness and teething... not a great week.  I need a holiday w/o kids.

One of those people?

Have you heard of Debbie Downer?  Years ago I saw the live premier of this SNL skit with Lindsay Lohan.  I was with my roomates and our good friend Dan Harker.  I must say it is the funniest thing I ever recall watching (though having seen it so many times since then it has lost some of it's humour... but not all).

 
It may be a great, funny skit but lately I have encountered some real life Debbie Downers!  You know the type  of person who always feels a need to tell you that things could always be worse than it is?  That person who traded in their sympathetic ear for one of doom and gloom.  I wonder if they think that what they are saying is helping in any way?  If they think they are being uplifting in those situations?

People need to be free to speak what they are feeling and be able to recieve some empathy in return without being guilted into feeling bad that their struggles aren't as difficult as someone else's.  That is what friendship is.... supporting, caring for and listening to each other.

Often times I really don't feel that hard done by.  I actually feel very blessed and think the things that come our way are often funny (not 'ha ha' funny but 'of course' kind of funny).  Like "of course we are having numerous things break right when our tax return is set to come in and we were planning on buy carpet, or another vehicle".

We truly are blessed that these recent 'home repairs' that need to be done can be done without going into debt for them.  It might end up being a big blessing that the new carpet is delayed if our basement ends up flooding this spring from all the snow melting!!!!  Maybe we can get some free carpet ;)

I know I have sometimes been a Debbie Downer... okay probably a lot when I was a teenager/young adult.  But to be on the recieving end I realize how useless and depressing it is.  I am motivated to never again start the sentence 'at least you aren't  _________________________'!

Pondering

How long is the Lord's timetable? Is it set in blocks that are months long? Is there recess and lunch? Will 'class' EVER end?

I feel like I am sitting in some University class, that may be interesting, but has no 'end time'. It's like I'm sitting there taking notes and listening to the instructor who just keeps talking and talking... never looking at the clock, never running out of things to say... the students are all sitting awkwardly in their seats wondering if they should suggest that the teacher dismiss or if they should just walk out and hope that they don't miss anything important..... hmmm, can I even leave? I wonder if the door is locked? Maybe not the back door, but the front door is definitely barred and guarded. You can't get out that way until the instructor gives the go-ahead. Who wants to go back though? No one wants to return to high school (okay maybe some of you crazy people want to... I wouldn't wish that on anyone).

I hate being prevented from doing something. I am a stubborn person.... I know what I want and what I don't want. Why waste time in the 'present moment' when there are things to be done. It isn't that I don't like where I am... I love my husband and am so blessed with everything that we have here together in Lloydminster. I just feel like I am being sooooo lazy (even though I really am working my butt off). It just all comes down to my LIST...

I am definately a list person... and I go through each day, week and year of my life checking things off my list. I find it very satisfying to throw a list in the garbage knowing I have completed everything on it. Looking back at a very generalized 'life list'; I completed elementary school, got baptized, finished junior high and seminary, completed high school, moved out, got a college diploma, recieved my endowments, completed a university degree, finished institute, started teaching, got married.... now what... of course, have children.... oh but wait... some of us can't make this happen no matter how hard we try.

I don't like this current feeling of being stagnant. My pool of water is growing bacteria and starting to look and smell gross... ew, who wants to climb a mountain to see a view of smelly, green scuz along the valley floor? I don't know if this post makes any sense to anyone (even me). I just feel frustrated with where I am NOT going.